Raising Twins
Posted 09-19-2008 at 05:48 PM by mtbgirl
I remember the doctor saying he'd spotted two fetuses. He printed photos of Twin A & Twin B. I was numb. A quiet exhilaration spread through me. My husband & I locked eyes. We were too startled to smile ... yet. I was pregnant! After a year of marriage, we'd tried for kids ... for 5 years. No kids during those long years of trying ... & so I focused on my career (financial analyst). Besides, trying to have kids when everyone you seem to know in the world is getting pregnant, or God forbid, thinking of abortion, was difficult & full of heartache. I stopped volunteering with kids, something I had done since high school, continued through college & when I joined the workforce. It was too painful. And now I was pregnant ... with twins!
Like many twins, they came a bit early, but their lungs were fully developed. Twin B was a tiny girl, under 5 lbs but considered take-home baby weight. I still remember how a lady in the hospital elevator screamed, "It's alive!" Then she laughed because she said she thought my husband was holding a baby doll as a gift for a patient. My daughter was that tiny. We were visiting the NICU for my son, Twin A, who had suffered a perforated lung during the trauma of birth. He had stopped breathing during the night, went into Code Blue, & had seizures. The doctors said that the seizures often led to permanent brain damage. We prayed & hoped for the best. After 11 days he came home.
It is stunning how much care a single baby needs. Imagine two! Then we needed two of everything. My relatives, friends & co-workers were amazing in their generosity. I had a year's supply of diapers, two of everything I could possibly need for the next year, plus baby gyms, baby swings, twin tram, car seats. I think because so many knew that we had been trying for so long, they poured out their heartfelt joy for us. We were more than doubly blessed.
The twins discredited nearly everything I had learned about early childhood development in college. My daughter would toddle over to flowers & animals, & we would enjoy their company. My son would smile, but he grew only passionate whenever he spotted a truck or large van parked on the street. He just had to cross the street (a big deal when you're only 14 months old & falling every few steps) on his bowed toddler legs that barely could walk a straight line to feel the trucks. He also liked pretty girls, wanting to follow them in the neighborhood. Some of the neighbor girls must have thought we were stalkers.
Later I remember them playing with plastic dinosaurs at age 3 in the back seat on a family drive. My daughter plaintively asked, "Why do they (the dinosaurs) always have to fight? Why can't they just play?" My son insisted, "They have to fight! Argggh!" as his Tyrranosaurus attacked her Apatosaurus.
As twins they liked playing with the same toys, for the most part. And then there were the big deal toys. The first Barbie was a big deal. Someone gave my daughter her first Barbie. My husband & I discussed it, he thinking it was no big deal. It's funny the things that matter when you're a young mom, wanting to teach your daughter & son certain things about women, & not wanting to reinforce sexist stereotypes. We let our daughter keep the Barbie, after sitting down to let them know that most women didn't look like that, that it was fine not to look like a Barbie. I still remember my daughter, 4 at the time, saying "Mommy, it's a toy. It's not supposed to be real." My son had no interest in his sister's growing collection of Barbies. A neighbor who collected dolls gave our son a GI Joe "Marine." He hid it among his sister's dolls, & she quickly made GI Joe Ken's best friend.
At age 6 for their last combined birthday party (for they asked for separate parties after that), they asked for party goers to dress up. That was a first: gender differences for their party. You see, my daughter had recently said she didn't want to wear dresses anymore, her nascent tomboy style asserting itself. He wanted all the boys to be pirates, so all of his friends received pirate scarves with a fake hoop earring, pirate eye patches, pirate swords, & a swashbuckling belt. Eschewing her tomboy attitude for the special day, she asked that all the girls be princesses. After being crowned with tiaras, given scepters, & princess sandals, all of the girls were asked to lay on a soft mattress with 3 "peas" (large tiger-eye marbles) underneath. Her true tomboy colors manifested when she eagerly held the pythons, tarantulas, & large reptiles. The boys were nearly jumping with excitement, eyes gleaming, to gently manhandle the reptiles. Interestingly, most of the boys declined to have the tarantulas walk on their palms.
Later when they were 7, an older neighbor boy was moving away. He gave his toy metal rifle with the wooden stock to my son. Again, a parental discussion ensued. Guns ... (okay, toy guns) ... in our house. Gulp! I have to laugh because years later at age 13, we bought him a pair of Desert Eagle air-soft guns & ammo for one of his Christmas presents. My daughter liked air-softing with her brother & his friends so much (they wanted her on their teams: she was good), she bought herself an air-soft gun, not willing to wait for her birthday or Christmas.
Around age 12, my daughter announced, "All boys are annoying, especially ------!" They had been best friends up to that point, but I had seen things simmering between them. They remained friendly ... for the most part, & they'd always had separate sets of friends. I knew this was a good thing for their development. She slowly dropped her tomboyish ways, although she kept up her edge in sports. Her bemused brother wondered what was happening with his sister? She'd rather spend an afternoon with her girlfriends than air-soft with the guys?
They were fiercely competitive to a point, but so sweet with each other. In freshman year of high school, they were in the same Honors Biology class. My son would write a succinct sentence, analyzing the data for a graph. After 60 graphs, he felt his brevity was accurate & adequate. His sister would write long paragraphs, sometimes reaching a full page or page & a half for the analysis of each graph. He would tell her he didn't think she needed to work so hard. She insisted she did. Later when they received their final marks for the long-term science project, she had earned an A+. He told her that was good. She asked what he got. He asked her what did she think? She replied, "An A." He smiled. Later he quietly shared with me his final grade: A+. Now she laughs at how crazy hard she worked in her freshman year. She still earns A's, but now she knows how to cut back on the work if needed.
By age 16, they were best friends again. All of his friends already knew her, but they were now seeing her dressed like a girl.
She was so pretty that most guys were afraid to talk with her. Good! He liked hanging with some of his sister's friends because they were cute ... & nice & bright. They both lucked out.
At 17, they left for their separate colleges. He's at the Academy. She is at a prestigious, world-renowned school. I know that I will have to apologize to my son's future bride some day. I loved waiting on him hand & foot. I did teach him how to launder, iron a shirt, cook, & he makes wonderful brownies. He even learned how to make souffle. She was reluctant to learn how to use our HE washer & dryer. She's clueless about ironing. She did learn to cook. In fact, she's a very good cook, creating her own dishes. Her cookies & muffins are scrumptious. She whipped up an incredible Vegan Chocolate Muffin that you'd swear had butter, sour cream, & eggs, yum! Now she's lamenting the dorm food, though it supposedly won some sort of award, like an Oscar for college meal service. So I said she could go out once a month to a fine restaurant & eat to her heart's content. Her college town is filled with gourmet restaurants, so the little gourmand she is won't have any trouble finding a good eatery. As for my son's food experiences at Mitch's, he says the food is okay, & he is getting enough lean protein. I'm glad Mitch's offers lots of good protein, chicken served in infinite ways. He does say to send cookies ... weekly, if possible.
Now we are truly empty nesters. We were blessed with two kids, aside from two miscarriages. Friends call to see how I'm doing, worried that the famously devoted mom now has nothing to do. My husband & I are having fun. Since we're saving a bundle on our son's education (daughter's, too), we're slowly replacing some things in our house that we put off, now that we don't have the huge, double whammy of twin private school college expenses. I'm still mountain biking, but now I have time to lead rides. I have time for long runs, instead of hurrying back to make hot breakfastes for the family. I'm still volunteering, but now I have more time to lend a hand. Life is good.
Like many twins, they came a bit early, but their lungs were fully developed. Twin B was a tiny girl, under 5 lbs but considered take-home baby weight. I still remember how a lady in the hospital elevator screamed, "It's alive!" Then she laughed because she said she thought my husband was holding a baby doll as a gift for a patient. My daughter was that tiny. We were visiting the NICU for my son, Twin A, who had suffered a perforated lung during the trauma of birth. He had stopped breathing during the night, went into Code Blue, & had seizures. The doctors said that the seizures often led to permanent brain damage. We prayed & hoped for the best. After 11 days he came home.
It is stunning how much care a single baby needs. Imagine two! Then we needed two of everything. My relatives, friends & co-workers were amazing in their generosity. I had a year's supply of diapers, two of everything I could possibly need for the next year, plus baby gyms, baby swings, twin tram, car seats. I think because so many knew that we had been trying for so long, they poured out their heartfelt joy for us. We were more than doubly blessed.
The twins discredited nearly everything I had learned about early childhood development in college. My daughter would toddle over to flowers & animals, & we would enjoy their company. My son would smile, but he grew only passionate whenever he spotted a truck or large van parked on the street. He just had to cross the street (a big deal when you're only 14 months old & falling every few steps) on his bowed toddler legs that barely could walk a straight line to feel the trucks. He also liked pretty girls, wanting to follow them in the neighborhood. Some of the neighbor girls must have thought we were stalkers.
Later I remember them playing with plastic dinosaurs at age 3 in the back seat on a family drive. My daughter plaintively asked, "Why do they (the dinosaurs) always have to fight? Why can't they just play?" My son insisted, "They have to fight! Argggh!" as his Tyrranosaurus attacked her Apatosaurus.
As twins they liked playing with the same toys, for the most part. And then there were the big deal toys. The first Barbie was a big deal. Someone gave my daughter her first Barbie. My husband & I discussed it, he thinking it was no big deal. It's funny the things that matter when you're a young mom, wanting to teach your daughter & son certain things about women, & not wanting to reinforce sexist stereotypes. We let our daughter keep the Barbie, after sitting down to let them know that most women didn't look like that, that it was fine not to look like a Barbie. I still remember my daughter, 4 at the time, saying "Mommy, it's a toy. It's not supposed to be real." My son had no interest in his sister's growing collection of Barbies. A neighbor who collected dolls gave our son a GI Joe "Marine." He hid it among his sister's dolls, & she quickly made GI Joe Ken's best friend.
At age 6 for their last combined birthday party (for they asked for separate parties after that), they asked for party goers to dress up. That was a first: gender differences for their party. You see, my daughter had recently said she didn't want to wear dresses anymore, her nascent tomboy style asserting itself. He wanted all the boys to be pirates, so all of his friends received pirate scarves with a fake hoop earring, pirate eye patches, pirate swords, & a swashbuckling belt. Eschewing her tomboy attitude for the special day, she asked that all the girls be princesses. After being crowned with tiaras, given scepters, & princess sandals, all of the girls were asked to lay on a soft mattress with 3 "peas" (large tiger-eye marbles) underneath. Her true tomboy colors manifested when she eagerly held the pythons, tarantulas, & large reptiles. The boys were nearly jumping with excitement, eyes gleaming, to gently manhandle the reptiles. Interestingly, most of the boys declined to have the tarantulas walk on their palms.
Later when they were 7, an older neighbor boy was moving away. He gave his toy metal rifle with the wooden stock to my son. Again, a parental discussion ensued. Guns ... (okay, toy guns) ... in our house. Gulp! I have to laugh because years later at age 13, we bought him a pair of Desert Eagle air-soft guns & ammo for one of his Christmas presents. My daughter liked air-softing with her brother & his friends so much (they wanted her on their teams: she was good), she bought herself an air-soft gun, not willing to wait for her birthday or Christmas.
Around age 12, my daughter announced, "All boys are annoying, especially ------!" They had been best friends up to that point, but I had seen things simmering between them. They remained friendly ... for the most part, & they'd always had separate sets of friends. I knew this was a good thing for their development. She slowly dropped her tomboyish ways, although she kept up her edge in sports. Her bemused brother wondered what was happening with his sister? She'd rather spend an afternoon with her girlfriends than air-soft with the guys?
They were fiercely competitive to a point, but so sweet with each other. In freshman year of high school, they were in the same Honors Biology class. My son would write a succinct sentence, analyzing the data for a graph. After 60 graphs, he felt his brevity was accurate & adequate. His sister would write long paragraphs, sometimes reaching a full page or page & a half for the analysis of each graph. He would tell her he didn't think she needed to work so hard. She insisted she did. Later when they received their final marks for the long-term science project, she had earned an A+. He told her that was good. She asked what he got. He asked her what did she think? She replied, "An A." He smiled. Later he quietly shared with me his final grade: A+. Now she laughs at how crazy hard she worked in her freshman year. She still earns A's, but now she knows how to cut back on the work if needed.
By age 16, they were best friends again. All of his friends already knew her, but they were now seeing her dressed like a girl.
She was so pretty that most guys were afraid to talk with her. Good! He liked hanging with some of his sister's friends because they were cute ... & nice & bright. They both lucked out.At 17, they left for their separate colleges. He's at the Academy. She is at a prestigious, world-renowned school. I know that I will have to apologize to my son's future bride some day. I loved waiting on him hand & foot. I did teach him how to launder, iron a shirt, cook, & he makes wonderful brownies. He even learned how to make souffle. She was reluctant to learn how to use our HE washer & dryer. She's clueless about ironing. She did learn to cook. In fact, she's a very good cook, creating her own dishes. Her cookies & muffins are scrumptious. She whipped up an incredible Vegan Chocolate Muffin that you'd swear had butter, sour cream, & eggs, yum! Now she's lamenting the dorm food, though it supposedly won some sort of award, like an Oscar for college meal service. So I said she could go out once a month to a fine restaurant & eat to her heart's content. Her college town is filled with gourmet restaurants, so the little gourmand she is won't have any trouble finding a good eatery. As for my son's food experiences at Mitch's, he says the food is okay, & he is getting enough lean protein. I'm glad Mitch's offers lots of good protein, chicken served in infinite ways. He does say to send cookies ... weekly, if possible.
Now we are truly empty nesters. We were blessed with two kids, aside from two miscarriages. Friends call to see how I'm doing, worried that the famously devoted mom now has nothing to do. My husband & I are having fun. Since we're saving a bundle on our son's education (daughter's, too), we're slowly replacing some things in our house that we put off, now that we don't have the huge, double whammy of twin private school college expenses. I'm still mountain biking, but now I have time to lead rides. I have time for long runs, instead of hurrying back to make hot breakfastes for the family. I'm still volunteering, but now I have more time to lend a hand. Life is good.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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Very nice Blog entry
It always amazes me, when I hear others talk of their twins, that our individual stories can be so different but so much the same! This brings back many memories of our twins. It seems that same gender twins have differences in terms of development but they, at 16 or so, dovetail into the same direction! Ours too, had difficult medical problems at the beginning requiring my wife to go home from the hospital without the twins as they were both under 3 1/2 pounds.
We both loved your story and it made us understand how fortunate we both are to have such fine children. We have had a little more difficulty adjusting to empty nest syndrome as we had 3 older children and for more than 30 years, we have had children at home and as of this past June,we have none! I think both of our families are both blessed and hopefully soon, we will reachg your stage.
Thank you so much for sharing this great insight into your family!Posted 09-20-2008 at 12:43 AM by pojack
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Thanks for sharing your story. You are a great writer! I bet that was tough having both kids leaving home at same time. At least I had two years to adjust w/ one child.
You like mountain biking? We have some nice mountain bikes in Park city, Utah (our vacation home). Austin and I did a 5 day white rim mountain biking trip near st. george utah after he finished his senior year and before Basics. If you ever get a chance you should check out Utah for great Mountain biking
it was great to read about you twinsPosted 09-25-2008 at 06:00 PM by AuzmansMOM
Updated 09-25-2008 at 07:30 PM by AuzmansMOM -
I love mountain biking in St. George & Moab, Utah. The slickrock is grippy but my body takes a pounding (even with dual suspension). Sedona, AZ is fabulous mountain biking, despite the cactus & heat. But nothing compares to the ocean & mountain vistas, soft dirt, & abundant wildflowers near my home.Posted 10-05-2008 at 12:25 AM by mtbgirl
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Twins, what an adventure! I love hearing about others experiences raising twins.
My girls are our only children as well. And we became empty nesters as quickly as we became parents.
We are also having a great time. My husband and I love to travel, and now I don't have to feel guilty every time we go on a trip that the girls can't go with us.Posted 10-07-2008 at 05:50 PM by txtwinmom
